#OperationLifeWorthLiving

A little over 6 months ago, I received an email from a girl that wanted to try out one of my classes.  When she walked through the door, I did as I always do, and asked her a few questions about her fitness level, injuries and so on...Class began and she did as well as any first-timer does.  Loving the workout (and, of course, the coach - ha!), she signed up for Elements before leaving that day.  A few weeks later, once she finished with Elements, she was enrolled in my now infamous - or famous?  We can't decide ;) 5am class.  This girl's name is Melissa, and she's a bad ass!!  But wait...I don't want to get too ahead of myself here, I want to explain how HER journey became OUR journey...together.

When Melissa began regular classes, the very first thing I noticed was her tall, thin frame and sunken in cheeks.  I also observed her constantly pulling down her shirt, as to "hide" her stomach (which is non-existent, BTW) and always looking around the room, as if to be sure no one was watching her workout.  A couple months went by and Melissa was killing it in the gym!  She was fast, she was getting strong and although those self conscious tugs at her shirt didn't stop, they were happening less and less.

December rolled around and our coach/athlete relationship was turning into a great friendship (I mean, duh...we're both pretty fucking funny, love Eminem, aaaand we can't stand bad grammar/spelling - haha!).  Melissa inquired about the 8 week, Paleo #Reborn nutrition challenge coming up in January.  I explained to her how it worked and what to expect, and then... it was like a lightbulb just went off in my head!!  I saw the signs, how could I be so dumb?  I had done it to myself for YEARS...Melissa was suffering from an eating disorder.  I quickly blurted out "Are you recovering from an eating disorder?" and she looked shocked as hell, haha!!  But doing it that way, gave her no time to make up a lie.  "Maybe" she said...I gave her that look, like "I know you are, so just don't even try to hide it." and she halfway, kinda sorta told me.  Once I knew, I made sure she was on my team for #Reborn!  Obviously, she didn't need to lose any weight, so it was my mission to help her understand food and show her that you can weigh EXACTLY the same weight, but lose body fat and change the look of your body by EATING, not starving.

The day of the beginning #Reborn body fat measurements, pictures and WOD, Melissa was tense.  Stressed.  I really think she was scared for me to see what she weighed - as in, she thought I would think she's fat - and when I went to use the tape measure around her waist, she refused to lift up her shirt.  "Baby steps", I thought, "remember how you used to be, Aggie.", so I left it alone and didn't push.  I was super happy to find out later, that she took her shirt off for her before photos...Point for Aggie :)

The very first thing I asked, wait....scratch that, TOLD Melissa to do, was bring me her scale.  She was an every day weigher, something I did myself when I was suffering from the very same disease.  You want that number to change SO badly...Every. Damn. Day.  And the truth is, you probably get on it 5 to 10 times each day, not just once.  Eat an apple - Oh, I better weigh myself!  Take a dump - Yahoo, I bet I lost 5lbs, I better go check!  It's an EXTREMELY vicious cycle to fall into, so I took away the one thing I knew I could control.  It was up to HER to control the rest.

Week one of the nutrition challenge began and as I suspected, Melissa ate about enough food to feed a little 8lb 6oz baby Jesus (Talledega Nights movie reference, for those of you that are lost).  I generally don't pull out the "mom voice" unless I really mean business, but on Day #9, I had no choice but to give her a dose of reality. #toughlove  Her food log got better...for a bit, but there was still a battle being fought within her mind.  The emails she sent the team would have moments like this in them:

Having had an eating disorder myself, during my late teens through age 26 (when, basically, becoming pregnant saved my life), I absolutely refused to let Melissa fail, because that would be ME failing HER.  And that's just unacceptable.  I was sure she needed a push, but was afraid to push too much, for fear she would shut down.  So, I gave her all the positive reinforcement I could...

By week 4, I could feel us getting closer to breaking the silence (not that we didn't talk daily, just not about "that") and actually discussing this giant elephant in the room.  I had told her, she wouldn't be getting her midway measurements done, because her food wasn't consistent enough yet and I felt it could actually do more damage than good, if she didn't like the number on the scale.  She actually agreed and that whole email prompted her to FINALLY open up about her battle with Anorexia and Bulimia.  I said to her, "I will never give up on you - so don't give up on yourself!!!  We're stuck together forever now lol!!  #glue  :) "  (have I mentioned that we like to #hashtag during texts and emails?  Like...#alot haha!!)


I would never divulge everything that she said to me, because it's her personal business, not to be put on blast for the public.  I will say this though, Melissa has fought a long, hard battle since her early teens. She has gone to inpatient care and "recovered"...only to relapse a few years later.  Which is where our story began...that email on October 8th, 2013 was the start of a promise she made to herself to get healthy and figure out how to have fun with life, rather than worry about how many calories she was eating.  You better damn well believe this girl does what she says she's going to do!!  It's one of the things I respect most about her. #trustworthy #honest

Once Melissa confided in me and told me the details of her illness, it was like a weight was lifted  from her shoulders!  Positivity ooooozed from her every pore. During class she was energetic - a total bad ass!!  Those cheeks I had noticed a few months earlier, weren't sunken in anymore.  Melissa was looking healthy and strong.  Her food logs were spot on and instead of the comments she made previously about beached whales and things being hard, she began to say things like this:

I was ecstatic to say the least!  BUT.....I was also nervous, as the end of the challenge was nearing.  Was she ready to be on her own?  Would she be happy with the results at the end?  Or would that number on the scale STILL haunt her?  Having been through it, although not as extreme, I feel like a person that has an eating disorder or some type of depression is never fully "recovered".  You just learn to keep it under control.  Some days are good, some are bad, but you learn to live with them both and eventually the good outweigh the bad :)

March 1st, the #Reborn finale was here!  Everyone was so excited to find out how they did!!  I could sense Melissa's tension as she got her picture taken, and I weighed and measured her body.  It's true, the first 4 weeks, her food was sporadic and inconsistent.  Would that damage the end results dramatically?  She had put in SO much work - we both had put in so much work, but I still had this fear that I had failed her somehow.  Had I?  #truth time!!

I punched the numbers in the computer, then calculated the difference in her beginning and ending weight, body fat and inches.  Holy. Shit.  She had done it!  Mission Accomplished and another point for Aggie!!! ;)  Without dropping any weight on that scale, Melissa lost 7% body fat and 2 inches off her body.  Get this.....she gained 10 pounds of lean body mass - incredible!!!  She was absolutely speechless when I showed her the results.  No, really....she didn't even jump up and down, no happy dance...nothing.  It's not that she wasn't happy.  She laughed and joked and smiled with everyone, but there was no over joyous "HALLELUJAH" moment.  I found out a few days later that she was just in absolute and utter shock that she was healthy.  She had taken things into her own hands, helped herself, and with a little guidance from me, she Changed.   Her.   Life.

There are absolutely no words special enough to describe how proud I am of this girl - NONE!  She is beautiful, strong and healthy.  She continues to excel during class and PT sessions (pull ups - check!  50 DU's - getting so damn close!) and we still monitor that food log.  There's such a great confidence within her now and I LOVE that!! Although there is no such thing as a magical or miraculous 'never struggle with skewed thoughts again' type of "recovery", Melissa has a grip on something that used to have a grip on her.

For me as a coach, I am honored and proud to have been the one that helped Melissa navigate her way back to health.  Through her journey, I also learned many things about myself, and she (along with the other team #amazeballs peeps) showed me that I am loved and respected as a person, as well as a coach. I also gained a lifelong friend.  A true, honest, hilarious, and positive friend that I will cherish forever!

#sniffsniff #tear #loveyou Melissa!!! #superglue :)

 
-Coach Ag